"Are you OK? Your face is really red. No, it is like crazy red."
"You're Ashlee's younger sister right?"
"Soooo, when are you two going to stop kidding around and get married?"
"You'll change your mind."
"You just look like a mommy!"
"You cremated your dog?!? I would have just put it in a trash bag and thrown it in the dumpster"
"I don't have a PIN number."
"Do you have time to talk with me about the Bible?"
"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."
"Aren't you that girl who turned that guy gay?"
"I work at the Mohegan Sun Fire Department..."
"I already cooked dinner. You eat steak, right?"
"Animals don't have souls."
"Do I want a haircut? No I want them ALL cut!"
"Don't worry, your mom is smiling down at you from heaven."
"Would you like to dance?"
"This too shall pass."
"May I see your ID please?"
"Oh that's too bad that you aren't single....what about your girl?"
"Oh my god that cat is so fat! What are you feeding it?"
"Have you ever considered getting braces?" (Post braces)
"You're like a cowboy's dream-fat calves." (Thanks, Dad)
"What's a browser? Ummmm Google, I think... no wait that little "e"."
"You could be sooo pretty if you just tried."
"Ms. Reeecord, please call us back to make a payment today."
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
Friday, June 22, 2012
Listening To My Inner Child
For those of you who don't know, I'm a 29 year old female who has been in a long term relationship for 7 years. So you can imagine how often I am asked when I'm going to get married and/or have babies. This is really irritating, to constantly have to defend my life choices over and over. So I have decided to lay it out here for the world to see so I can maybe stop talking about it and live my life. Before you ask, this was not brought upon by someone giving me attitude or yet another person posting an engagement announcement. I just had an epiphany and felt like sharing.
People who have known me for a long time can attest to this: When I was a little girl I would tell people flat out that I was never getting married or having babies. I really have not faltered on the baby part thus far. If my birth control failed me (and please universe this is NOT a challenge), would I change my mind? It is possible, who knows? People insist that I would be a great mother and that I will change my mind. No one should be worried about my mothering skills not getting put to good use. I have 7 pets that I feed, take to the vet, clean up after, and generally spoil rotten. I also have a rather large list of incredibly good reasons not to have children. If anyone can give me one really good reason to have children that is not a bunch of emotional crap, I challenge them to provide it to me. I will have an awesome rebuttal all ready.
As for marriage, I have had varying responses to how I feel about that. Somewhere along the way, I got it into my head that I would want to get married someday. Here's what I like about marriage: Declaring your love for someone, making promises to each other that you intend to keep, having friends and family celebrate with you, dogs as members of the wedding party, jewelry.
Here's the thing though, it got to a point where all that stuff became a monster. Every time I saw a picture of an engagement ring, I would go through a hurricane of emotions. I would get sad, angry, start a fight with my boyfriend, and the biggest issue was JEALOUSY. Society has conditioned girls to believe that they are a prize to be won. For every person that got married or engaged before me, my self esteem would go down. It didn't matter that many of those engagements would be broken or how many of those couples got divorced. It didn't matter how much my boyfriend assured me that he loved me and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, saying all the things you say in a proposal or in wedding vows. Without being able to have a ring or an invitation to broadcast to everyone else, I was somehow a failure or not good enough.
Then one day it was like a light went on in my head. This was BULLSHIT! All these traditions of marriage stem from the bride being property. I'm not fucking property! Having a ring on my finger while pretty, is meant to claim my ownership. Also, I have a job, I can and do buy my own damn jewelry! A man asking for permission for my hand? I am a grown woman, I don't need anyone's permission to do anything. Frankly, I would be offended if a man just gave up if my dad was like "Nope, you can't marry her."
As I stated previously, Jeremiah will tell anyone who will listen (especially me, because I eat that shit up) how he feels about me. He is an amazing man who would do pretty much anything for me. He puts up with my depression and mood swings, he has yet to kick me out for bringing yet another creature into the house, he hands me his debit card and tells me to go shopping. The worst thing he ever does is tune me out while playing video games. I've definitely had worse boyfriends.
A piece of paper won't make any difference to this. A piece of paper hasn't stopped people from cheating on their spouses, or beating them, or lying to them. It doesn't make a person love you more, it can't stop them from dying. You can easily destroy a piece of paper. Real actual true love is a lot harder to destroy.
If I got married, what good would come from it? I would lose my tax return because Jeremiah makes too much money. I would go into debt for a one day event. I would rather take a great vacation. We all know how my luck is too. That wedding would not go off without a hitch. Then there's my family. Exactly how do I plan that hornets nest of a seating chart? This one doesn't speak to this one, those two hate each other, and so on. Let's not forget that the single most important person I would need for that day won't be there. There is no waterproof mascara that will get me through 12 well-meaning but misguided individuals advising me that she is smiling down on me. Also, I really like my last name and have no desire to go through the hassle of changing something I don't want to get rid of in the first place.
In conclusion, I have decided that, while I will keep an open mind, I'm probably not getting married. One day when I am rich I will by an enormous ring myself and wear it on any finger I choose BECAUSE I CAN. I've decided that I'm taking BFF back. BFF will stand for boy friend forever. I have always been hung up on labeling us as something more than boyfriend and girlfriend, but really is it so bad to be friends? I don't think so.
If you ever have the urge to ask me a question regarding my relationship status, please refer to this handy blog post.
People who have known me for a long time can attest to this: When I was a little girl I would tell people flat out that I was never getting married or having babies. I really have not faltered on the baby part thus far. If my birth control failed me (and please universe this is NOT a challenge), would I change my mind? It is possible, who knows? People insist that I would be a great mother and that I will change my mind. No one should be worried about my mothering skills not getting put to good use. I have 7 pets that I feed, take to the vet, clean up after, and generally spoil rotten. I also have a rather large list of incredibly good reasons not to have children. If anyone can give me one really good reason to have children that is not a bunch of emotional crap, I challenge them to provide it to me. I will have an awesome rebuttal all ready.
As for marriage, I have had varying responses to how I feel about that. Somewhere along the way, I got it into my head that I would want to get married someday. Here's what I like about marriage: Declaring your love for someone, making promises to each other that you intend to keep, having friends and family celebrate with you, dogs as members of the wedding party, jewelry.
Here's the thing though, it got to a point where all that stuff became a monster. Every time I saw a picture of an engagement ring, I would go through a hurricane of emotions. I would get sad, angry, start a fight with my boyfriend, and the biggest issue was JEALOUSY. Society has conditioned girls to believe that they are a prize to be won. For every person that got married or engaged before me, my self esteem would go down. It didn't matter that many of those engagements would be broken or how many of those couples got divorced. It didn't matter how much my boyfriend assured me that he loved me and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, saying all the things you say in a proposal or in wedding vows. Without being able to have a ring or an invitation to broadcast to everyone else, I was somehow a failure or not good enough.
Then one day it was like a light went on in my head. This was BULLSHIT! All these traditions of marriage stem from the bride being property. I'm not fucking property! Having a ring on my finger while pretty, is meant to claim my ownership. Also, I have a job, I can and do buy my own damn jewelry! A man asking for permission for my hand? I am a grown woman, I don't need anyone's permission to do anything. Frankly, I would be offended if a man just gave up if my dad was like "Nope, you can't marry her."
As I stated previously, Jeremiah will tell anyone who will listen (especially me, because I eat that shit up) how he feels about me. He is an amazing man who would do pretty much anything for me. He puts up with my depression and mood swings, he has yet to kick me out for bringing yet another creature into the house, he hands me his debit card and tells me to go shopping. The worst thing he ever does is tune me out while playing video games. I've definitely had worse boyfriends.
A piece of paper won't make any difference to this. A piece of paper hasn't stopped people from cheating on their spouses, or beating them, or lying to them. It doesn't make a person love you more, it can't stop them from dying. You can easily destroy a piece of paper. Real actual true love is a lot harder to destroy.
If I got married, what good would come from it? I would lose my tax return because Jeremiah makes too much money. I would go into debt for a one day event. I would rather take a great vacation. We all know how my luck is too. That wedding would not go off without a hitch. Then there's my family. Exactly how do I plan that hornets nest of a seating chart? This one doesn't speak to this one, those two hate each other, and so on. Let's not forget that the single most important person I would need for that day won't be there. There is no waterproof mascara that will get me through 12 well-meaning but misguided individuals advising me that she is smiling down on me. Also, I really like my last name and have no desire to go through the hassle of changing something I don't want to get rid of in the first place.
In conclusion, I have decided that, while I will keep an open mind, I'm probably not getting married. One day when I am rich I will by an enormous ring myself and wear it on any finger I choose BECAUSE I CAN. I've decided that I'm taking BFF back. BFF will stand for boy friend forever. I have always been hung up on labeling us as something more than boyfriend and girlfriend, but really is it so bad to be friends? I don't think so.
If you ever have the urge to ask me a question regarding my relationship status, please refer to this handy blog post.
Monday, January 23, 2012
I'm not entirely sure why I have this blog...
It isn't because all the cool kids are doing it.
Or that I have some sage wisdom to provide.
You won't find any baking tips or recipes.
I have no idea how you are supposed to keep a baby alive or how to induce a marriage proposal.
I'm not crafty and I can't tell you how to build anything (except a poor credit score).
I suppose the main reason for this blog is for me to vent about my pretty often ridiculous life. The limited amount of character space on social networking sites just doesn't do my dry wit justice.
I have two simple requests regarding this blog.
1-Feel free to share your opinion on my opinions. Just don't be a total asshole about it.
2-If you know where it is that I work, keep it to yourself. This blog has nothing to do with my paycheck and let's keep it that way.
Or that I have some sage wisdom to provide.
You won't find any baking tips or recipes.
I have no idea how you are supposed to keep a baby alive or how to induce a marriage proposal.
I'm not crafty and I can't tell you how to build anything (except a poor credit score).
I suppose the main reason for this blog is for me to vent about my pretty often ridiculous life. The limited amount of character space on social networking sites just doesn't do my dry wit justice.
I have two simple requests regarding this blog.
1-Feel free to share your opinion on my opinions. Just don't be a total asshole about it.
2-If you know where it is that I work, keep it to yourself. This blog has nothing to do with my paycheck and let's keep it that way.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)